Bruner Blog

Sent by my brother. I don’t know how accurate are these quotes, but some are kinda funny:

A new poll says that if the election were held today, John Kerry would beat President Bush by a double digit margin. The White House is so worried about
this, they’re now thinking of moving up the capture of Osama Bin Laden
to next month. —Jay Leno

President Bush has unveiled his first campaign commercial, highlighting
all of his accomplishments in office. That’s why it’s a 60-second spot. —Jay Leno

President Bush says he has just one question for the American voters “Is
the rich person you’re working for better off now than they were four years
ago? —Jay Leno

Kerry is well on his way to reaching his magic number of 2,162. That’s the
total number of delegates he needs to win the Democratic nomination. See, for
President Bush it’s different. His magic number is only 5. That’s the number of
Supreme Court judges needed to win. — Jay Leno

There was a scare in Washington when a man climbed over the WhiteHouse
wall and was arrested. This marks the first time a person has gotten into
The White House unlawfully since President Bush. —David Letterman

The White House is now backtracking from its prediction that 2 million new
jobs will be created in the U.S. this year. They say they were off, by roughly
2.6 million jobs. — Jay Leno

In Louisiana, President Bush met with over 15,000 National Guard troops.
Here’s the weird part, nobody remembers seeing him there. — Craig Kilborn

President Bush said he was ‘troubled’ by gay people getting married in
San Francisco. He said on important issues like this the people should make
the decision, not judges. Unless of course we’re choosing a president, then
he prefers judges. — Jay Leno

There was an embarrassing moment in the White House earlier today. They were looking around searching for George Bush’s military records. They actually
found some old Al Gore ballots. — David Letterman

This week, both John Kerry was making campaign appearance with the guys
whose lives they saved in Vietnam. Meanwhile, President Bush is campaigning with a guy that once took a math test for him. — Conan O’Brien

President Bush released his new $2.4 trillion federal budget. It has two parts: smoke and mirrors. — Jay Leno

Bush admitted that his pre-war intelligence wasn’t what it should have been.
We knew that when we elected him! — JayLeno

President Bush said that American workers will need new skills to get the new jobs in the 21st century. Some of the skills they’re going to need are Spanish, Chinese, and Korean, because that’s where the jobs went. — Jay Leno

President Bush wants to build a space station on the moon. And from the
moon, he wants to launch people to Mars. You know what t his means. He’s drinking again. — David Letterman

The new Prime Minister of Spain has called the war in Iraq a disaster, and
plans to bring his troops home as soon as possible. In fact, President Bush is
so upset at Spain that he is now threatening to close down the border between
Spain and the US. — Jay Leno

Dick Cheney finally responded today to demands that he reveal the details of
the Enron meetings. This is what he said. ‘He met with unnamed people, from
unspecified companies, for an indeterminate amount of time, at an undisclosed
location.’ Thank God he cleared that up. — Jay Leno

The White House has now released military documents they say prove George
Bush met his requirements for the National Guard. Big deal, we’ve got documents that prove Al Gore won the election. —Jay Leno

Whoever put this together is a bit too enamored of Leno for my taste. I’d like to see more like these from more diverse sources. And where is Jon Stewart in this list???

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